life or death?

It is not the only existing thing…there is much more than meets the eye… much more hidden in this stoned cold heart, maybe the fire of your eyes burning me, causing so much pain, but at the same time healing me, taking me away of all this human garbage …or maybe the screams ripping out my soul; shouting so loud, sickening words, wishing to hurt somebody…

You put that gun against my head… you put your perfect smile in my heart… you made me play your game… trying to act like the wind…the dreadful wind that brings her kisses back to your mouth… the shocking wind that brings her perfume to you… the non-regretful wind that takes you away from my arms and carries you back with her, with the perfect one… with the living one.
It is not that I am jealous of her… I am jealous of you, I am jealous because it is not me the one who makes your heart beat… because I do not even have a beating heart… I am jealous of not being the storm interrupting your dreams, because I am no more able to dream… to sleep, I am jealous of not being the fire burning in your soul… because I have a soul no more… of not being the sea washing your tears… because I can not even cry… since I am dry of all emotions, except for this addiction that has too far driven me insane… I am so jealous of this beautiful but also dreadful condemnation… it is not the way we once have imagined. Do you remember those days? When we used to walk side by side among the living, not paying attention to what the dead had to say. When we only cared about that vital liqueur and nothing more but ourselves… how fool we were… how childish we lived… we used to live… I used to live too. But now, where do all those days have gone…? Why are you there… in the living side… between the senseless ones, the poisoned ones, the betrayers… between the ones who made me like this? While you are there so happy, enjoying yourself with the filthy ones… I walk alone in these forgotten shadows that give me no more comfort…alone in the dark, without a single soul to hug…to kiss… to kill… I can not die, I can not live… I am here… but invisible for all eyes, faithless, hopeless, sick of being nothing, tired of these memories. Memories chasing me, and since I can not sleep… these past feelings and thoughts do not give up in their hunt. Those in pursuits of my non existent soul, I know they won’t ever give up and I will have to resist, standing still. I can not hide, I can only control myself having some of that… that “something” that was once wrested away from me, the only thing that I have ever believed in… love. So I am now begging you… If you have at least one little piece of your heart that still keeps it’s purity and remains clean of their lies… please, would you be nice enough to give it to me? That would be the only way I will be able to reborn…at least in spirit… to see the light once again…only for a while and then back again in darkness, but with that little favor I am asking you, you will help me go on in this sinuous path between life and death…